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40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN QUOTES |
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Andy Stitzer: Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins too? That's funny... I didn't even know you g-girls talked like that. I think my first time might be your best time too. Well I knew it, you know what? I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter will all the compassion and care that someone would give to their soulmate. David: Know how I knew you were gay? You like Coldplay. Cal: [David and Cal Playing a video Game] You're *gay* now? David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate. Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now". David: You're gay for saying that. Cal: I'm gay for saying that? David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay? David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts. Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more. David: You know how I know that you're gay? Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are. David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? David: You like Coldplay. Cal: Oh, man, I had a weekend. Andy Stitzer: Yeah? Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross. Andy Stitzer: Yeah. Cal: You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse. Andy Stitzer: Yeah. Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her. Andy Stitzer: Yeah. Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse! Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something. David: You know how I know that you're gay? Cal: How? David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan". Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? David: How? Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once. David: You know how I know that you're gay? Cal: How? David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it when *balls* are in my face". Cal: That's *gay*? David: [David loses second match] Goddamnit! Cal: I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off, and *now* I'm throwing it at your body. [shouts] Cal: Fuck you! David: Aww. [the waxing lady is putting the first coat of wax on Andy's chest] Cal: If she starts waxing his pubes, I'm outta here. |
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